Goodbye Ireland, Hello Portugal

Started to travel a month ago which was my forever dream so now I'm in Portugal and have been since january.

Right now it's hard to write about all the amazing and happy stuff because feeling a bit sorry for myself, I'm still a sucker making good life decisions for me.

Missing hearing English so much, all day every day is this Portuguese bla-bla-bla and it's just a noise for me. Makes no sense and sounds harsh.

Missing having good and relevant conversations, being part of a group that doesn't exclude me. I hate when people disregard my creativity or creative side, because that means they don't see the full picture or just don't care, either way it sucks.

I bought today a little air drying clay, so tomorrow while I'm still off from work, going to make a little pot so I can plant some basil seeds. I love that plant and its taste.

I have to cook on wednesday for 6, and I have been working so hard in the last few years cooking only for 1, I have no idea how much I'm suppose to make and what am I suppose to make???

Thinking of some simple vanilla flavored apple soup as a summery soup and have no idea for a main dish. I'm clueless if I'm limited to the ingredients in the fridge.

I'm sleeping the smallest bed ever, so narrow I'm surprised I haven't fallen from it and in the attic so I banged my head a few times, in other places too, I'm too tall for some places.

I was in Santiago do Cacem today and it's a small town when you have almost 8 hours to spend there. Definitely didn't wear the shoes that would allow me to walk that much, so mostly sat on benches in different parks and gardens, climbed hills and checked my watch a million time, to see how much time I still have to waste around.

I know that's what tourists do, but I discovered after only a few days here in Portugal I'm terrible being a tourist.

You know my original plan was to move here and start a new chapter in my life, but this country is missing something, because I'm unable to feel homey. Don't get me wrong I love the orange and lemon trees and all this blue sky and sunshine but maybe because I can't do some gardening I feel like a guest and I also hate being a guest.

Don't have control over my life or at least not as much I thought I would have after I took this crazy step and left Ireland, went back to the main continent.

Or maybe I just haven't found my english community to make me feel included.

BUT then I just have to think about the time I was with Chris and realize after all that pain and heartache he caused me I'm much happier and my life is so much better than it was ever with him.

It's all about perspective and sometimes I forget how much my life changed and evolved since he fucked me over.