Photo editing on Fiverr

Hire me on Fiver

It is what it is

I'm having my usual birthday depression....when I over analyse thinks that happened or didn't happen in the last 365 days and my hopes and wishes I would like to achieve or change during the next 365.

Well, yeah, I don't handle it well.

I almost never think I will have another one, because I'm like I can't imagine myself being a year older than I am now, so probably a car will hit me or some other accident end me.

Well, here by I warn you, I'm not a positive person, more realistic, so the odds to be killed are higher and higher in this modern world political nightmare.

And I'm also not good making long term plans, or distant future plans because life is constantly changing, so the circumstances are changing and my calculations are no longer accurate.

I used to have vague ideas and hopes, but the few I still have all focuses on somehow getting or creating a job that pays,  so I survive another year or like 'What a hell should I do to survive another year?'.

No more plans like travel and happiness.

Life is cruel, and usually takes away the things you care about the most.

I know, I know...these things make you stronger :(

But for what?

Last 2 days as 26y :(

Here we go again.

Another year older, but still not wise enough.

Like, I wasted another year, without any significant improvement.

Other people would say:

• - You finally got your Irish BA College Degree

• - You had your own cottage for 8 months for free

• - You got a 200 euro/week part-time job offer and you had the courage to turn it down,           because you wanted to travel

• - You spent 3 months travelling in Portugal

• - You have been living in SPAIN for 4 months, for God's sake

• - You're enrolled in courses like Webdesign, Web development and TEFL

• - You're learning some Spanish too

But if you would ask me if I'm happy or satisfied??

The answer would be NO.

I enjoy the journey, but almost never the destination, the fact that I settle.

I stayed away from MEN, or they stayed away from me in the whole year, you see it as you wish. I'm worst than a really angry hedgehog, more like an active war zone.

It's actually not completely reduced to MEN, women can threaten my freedom just as easily.

Well it's not really my freedom, more CONTROL over my life.

Doing what I do now, takes away a big chunk of that much needed full control and first of all I never intended to give up that much and second I didn't think I needed to.

Again....naivety. My LOYAL fucking partner.