Sometimes feels sentimental thinking it's a new year - new life and new opportunities. Why would anything change from one day to another? Last year is still only 5 days behind us, not even a week.
I don't do new year's resolutions, but I decided to change things around, because there's a limit how long you can be afraid to move, to start something completely new. My plan would be new country, new language and new culture. I have a plane ticket and 8 days of accommodation. But that's all.
I have the ball rolling, I will soon have some stuff sent back to my Mom, I bought 2 suitcases for the plane and I have been telling myself, I'm changing and I'm leaving. Yet, constantly questioning myself if it's really a good idea and not just a suicide mission going to a new country without: speaking the language, having an accommodation for a few weeks/months, having a job and knowing anyone there or having some savings to support myself.
It feels like a Russian roulette that I'm excited to play regardless of not having a safety net.
I feel like I might be living my life that way instead of just being around and watch other people evolve.
I found a dream job for me, and I applied and then got an interview, then a test and then nothing in the last 2 weeks. Stupid holidays, I want an answer by now, yet I have to wait for another Monday.....
Training supposed to start in 10 days in another country, but no, I still don't have an answer.
I want to let go this opportunity, but I can't, because I really want it. I believe I would be good at it.
But even if they say I can go to the training, I could afford the plane ticket, after the 2 weeks training they could still say Sorry, we don't want you, you're not good enough. Which would kill me. Just like letting it go.
I'm hoping next week will give me answers and ends still waiting period mode I have been in since February 2017.
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